


I Just Don't Think I'll Ever Get Over You

by jensensitive



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Jealousy, M/M, Post-Episode: s15e03 The Rupture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-25
Updated: 2019-10-25
Packaged: 2021-01-03 06:35:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21175022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jensensitive/pseuds/jensensitive
Summary: Post-15x03; Dean is not dealing with his not-breakup with Cas well and leaves Cas a voicemail while out with his good friend Leo





	I Just Don't Think I'll Ever Get Over You

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by Friends 2x07 "The One Where Ross Finds Out"

They’re nearly a dozen beers in, and Dean can’t get his mouth to stop running.

“And Eugene???? What the fuck kind of a name is ‘Eugene’????”

Leo chuckles politely. “I don’t know man, I’ve met people with all kinds of names. I got a friend here we call ‘Fishsticks’ cause he brought fishsticks for lunch once.”

Dean nods, as if he’s actually listening. “And it’s like, why the hell would Sam tell me this anyway, yknow? Did I ask? No. Like, I don’t even want to know what Cas is doing. Or who. And he’s old too, he’s like 80-- well, maybe not 80, but Sam said he served in Vietnam, which, like-- eugh, my dad served in Vietnam. They could have known each other, yknow? It’s gross.”

“Older guys have a certain draw I guess.”

“I don’t know what the hell Cas is thinking. It’s a shitty rebound if you can call it that. Like, find a hot chick at least, right?”

“So Cas _ is _ an ex boyfriend then?”

Dean guffaws. “Oh he fucking wishes.” Dean takes a swig of his beer. “No, he was just totally in love with me until he thought I wasn’t being nice enough to him a week after my mom and kid died and my whole life was revealed as a lie, so he decided to ‘move on.’”

“Sounds like good advice.”

Dean looks over at Leo. “Fuck, man, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be ranting about him like this when you’re sat here right in front of me. I really don’t care that much. It just pisses me off, yknow? He’s known this guy two weeks max. And he’s already sending Sam pictures of him with his cat?? It’s ridiculous!”

“I mean I’d love to help you get over him, Dean.” Leo smiles at him, knocks his boot against Dean’s. “I disagree with you that rebounds should only be with hot chicks, but we could always find one, if you wanna make it a trio.”

“Yeah, I just--” Dean is still some place else. “He could have made a move. This whole time. He had his chance. He never did. That’s on him, yknow? It’s not my fault. I was perfectly obvious, trust me. I made him a fucking mixtape. Which, by the way, he gave back to Sam to give back to me, because he’s twelve.”

“You gave him a mixtape?”

“I should just call him. If he’s gonna be twelve and talk to my brother and not me, whatever, but I can be a grown-up, and I can just call him and tell him I’m over it, yknow. I just need closure, right?” Dean is already pulling out his phone.

“I have the feeling you’ll regret this when the beers wear off, but I support you in whatever you have to do, brother.” Leo shakes his head.

Cas’s phone rings a few times before it goes to voicemail, because of course it does. “Maybe I should just pray to him--” Dean mutters.

“What?”

Dean shushes Leo. “Yeah, hey Cas, it’s Dean-- yknow, your best friend for the past ten years whose whole life has just been turned upside down. I hope you’re good. I’d think you’d probably be going through it too, but I saw the picture of you with the cat,” Dean over enunciates ‘cat’ and rolls his eyes. “And you seem good, so I hope you’re good. But if you’re not, I guess you’ve got Eugene now, and that’s fine. That’s totally great even, cause I’m totally over you. You can go out with all the crusty old men you want, for all I care, and I’ll be 100% fine with it, cause like I said, I’m over you. Talk to you never, I guess.” He pauses. “Bye, Cas.” He hangs up, and Leo is just staring at him. “I think that went well.”

\---

Dean gets back to the bunker early the next morning and runs into Cas and Sam in the kitchen in an attempt to get coffee.

“Hello, Dean,” Cas greets him.

“Howdy. What are you doing here?” he says testily.

“I left my phone the other day when I was dropping off something. I’ll be leaving again soon,” he replies, just as aloof.

Sam sighs. “I put your phone in my room, Cas.” He starts to leave the kitchen. Cas casts Dean a look, something almost soft around the edges, because of course he fuckin does, but neither of them says anything before Cas turns and follows Sam back down the hallway.

Dean just makes his coffee. While it’s brewing, he walks back down the hall to drop his jacket in his own room.

“Dean left me a voicemail,” Dean hears though Sam’s door on his way past. He stops. _ Oh fuck. _

“Wait, Cas, maybe you shouldn’t--” Dean can hear Sam saying, but he’s frozen to the spot. He can’t move. He doesn’t remember exactly what he said last night, but he knows there’s no way this ends well. He keeps walking down the hallway towards his own room. If he ignores it, maybe it will just… go away.

“Dean.”

Dean turns around. _ Well fuck. _

“You’re… ‘over me’?” Cas asks, one hand gripping his phone, Sam watching from his own doorway. “When were you ever… ‘under me’?”

“Yeah, Dean,” Sam interjects with amusement in his voice. “When were you under him?”

“I don’t know who that guy on the phone was,” Dean chuckles, awkward. “Shifter maybe? He sounds like a fuckin liar.” He looks in Cas’s eyes. “Cause I’m not over you. Probably never will be.” He clears his throat, looks over at Sam. “Anyway, it was nice seeing you, Cas.” He turns around, ready to retreat to his room now.

“Dean wait.” Cas is hot on Dean’s heels, but thankfully he only hears one set of footsteps, so Sam is leaving them to it. “Where are you going?”

“Somewhere else.”

“Dean, stop.” Cas grips at his shoulder and spins him around.

Dean looks anywhere but at Cas.

“Do you have feelings for me?” Cas’s hand is still on his shoulder.

“Yeah,” Dean’s voice sounds half choked to his own ears. “Of course I fuckin do, Cas.”

Cas lets out a breath. “Even now? Even after everything that’s happened?”

“Why do you think I get so pissed at you going behind my back? Why do you think I loved Jack so much in the first place? He brought you back.” Cas looks just as flayed open at that as Dean feels. “And now you being with someone else kinda makes me want to carve out my own spleen with a butter knife, so yeah, I’d say I’ve got feelings for you. Even now.”

Cas rubs at his mouth, visibly frustrated in a way that Dean thinks he learned from him. He drops his hand from Dean’s shoulder. “This isn’t fair. I’m trying to move on, and you-- you--” He shuts his eyes to collect himself. “It’s been eleven years. I’ve felt this way for eleven years. I’ve given up everything for you over and over again. You’ve known how I’ve felt. And you haven’t treated me like someone you have any affection for in return. Just yelled, doubted me--”

“Oh, don’t give me that. I always trusted you. Too much and too many times. Maybe I’m just finally looking out for myself.”

“But you’re still in love with me.”

“Maybe I’m not very good at looking out for myself. Are you?”

“You know I’m not.” Cas shakes his head. “But I’m trying to. Eugene is--”

Dean groans. “I really, really don’t want to hear about you and the old man.”

Cas looks affronted. “He’s not old. Compared to me, he’s quite young. Technically speaking, compared to you, he’s quite young. And he’s nice to me.” Cas pauses. “But I’m not in love with him. Which is probably for the best. I don’t know. Love never seemed to get me anywhere good. You’re the one who said it. I always mess up all your plans, right? Everything goes wrong when I’m around. And everything I’ve been doing for the past decade has been for you.”

Dean huffs. “Loving me never got anyone anywhere good. You shoulda known that from the jump. I’m surprised it took you this long to figure it out. If I had to guess, I’d say it’s one of Chuck’s themes. It’s hardly your fault, man. You’re just a pawn here, just as much as anybody else. For us to get out of what has obviously been a game Chuck’s been playing with us this entire time?” Dean asks sincerely, “It’s for the best, right?”

Cas looks at him. “Then why does it feel like this? Nothing I’ve done for you, no matter how badly it’s ended up, has ever felt wrong. But when I try to do something for myself, it doesn’t feel right. Because you’re not there.”

“Cas--”

“And knowing you feel the same way, I don’t know if I can-- I can’t--” Cas seems to come to a decision. “Do you want to try?”

Dean breathes. “Of course I want to.”

Cas steels himself. “I won’t be yelled at anymore though. And I want you to actually talk to me.”

Dean barks a laugh. “Ironic.”

“Perhaps if we can actually try to be nicer to each other and listen. If we can talk without fighting. Perhaps…”

Dean nods, steps closer. “You gotta promise to talk to me too though, and not hide shit and not try and take everything on on your own.”

“No more hiding. Either of us.” Cas agrees. 

“Both of us trying to be actual mature grown-ups in a healthy relationship, what could go wrong.”

“Sam suggested couples counseling,” Cas says. “He might have been joking, but I was thinking about it, and perhaps it’s a good idea.”

Dean snorts. “Yeah, he threw that one at me too. I actually--” Dean rubs the back of his neck. “I got some books,” he admits quietly.

Cas stares at him in some measure of awe. “Books?”

“Yeah. Like cheesy self-help, 20 steps to a better m--” Dean clears his throat. “You wanna see them? They’re in my room. I haven’t made much headway with them yet, I’m not gonna lie.”

Cas reaches out to grab Dean’s hand. “Speaking of not lying, and in the spirit of open communication, I need to tell you something.”

Dean’s eyebrows raise. “Okay, what is it?”

“Eugene and I--” Cas looks at him. “We aren’t a couple. We’re just friends.”

Dean points between them. “Like you and I are just friends?”

“No.”

Dean sighs, smiles. He tugs on Cas’s hand. “Cas,” Dean squeezes his hand, leans in to whisper in Cas’s ear. “That’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever said to me.” He leans back, realising something. “Wait, were you just gonna let me suffer with that one?”

Cas shrugs. “I was considering it, but I thought if I told you the truth, you might kiss me.”

Dean laughs. “So we’re only gonna be good communicators when there’s kissing at stake?”

“It is a strategy we’ve never tried before,” Cas says seriously, his eyes on Dean’s mouth.

“Good point,” Dean nods. Then he leans in and kisses him.

  
  



End file.
